Managed to pull through the first day of work despite I am down with flu and cough. Thanks to all my dear colleagues for being so understanding and helpful.
It's really a drag to return to NUH especially to KRW, it keeps reminding me of the fateful Monday on 1st Mar. However, I have to overcome this. Yah Lan did tell me before I can overcome all griefs and saddness because I have God in my life. Indeed, I am learning and trying to cope with the days without Joash in me. Though there are still many questions which is going through my mind that no one can answer, I choose to continue to trust in Him. Sometimes, I am just wondering what is my dear baby doing now? I can't help but tears will just fill my eyes. Joash you are always in our hearts and minds. Joash you are forever miss by daddy and mommy. God had given and He had taken away, but I do believe, He will surely give again and this time is for me to keep.
God I pray take away all grief and saddness within me, mend my broken heart, let me start afresh and move on with life. I can't do it without You Lord. You are my peace that guards my heart and help in times of needs.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Forever missing you
Time passes so fast yet so slow. It had been 28 days since I lost you, yet on the other hand I will be starting work tomorrow. For the passed 28 days, Joash daddy and mommy never pass a day without missing you. But deep down inside our hearts we know you are in good hands and forever miss by us.
There was a baby dedication service yesterday and happened that one of the boy named Joash.I am just controlling my tears from rolling down, at that point I really wanted you and miss you so much.
I was telling daddy yesterday I was once a mother and he a father. He told me " No, we are still a mommy and daddy except that our dear Joash is being baby sit by Jesus for the time being..." I could feel the tears all dripping down from my heart.
There was a baby dedication service yesterday and happened that one of the boy named Joash.I am just controlling my tears from rolling down, at that point I really wanted you and miss you so much.
I was telling daddy yesterday I was once a mother and he a father. He told me " No, we are still a mommy and daddy except that our dear Joash is being baby sit by Jesus for the time being..." I could feel the tears all dripping down from my heart.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Craziest thing we will do
I guess today is the craziest thing we will ever do.... We made our way to expo for baby fest 2010. It's something we looked forward to when Joash is still around, hoping we can get a stroller and cot from the fest. Well there are not much stuff except for cheap diapers and some baby cot. Been thinking we could get all these stock up for Joash. We miss him. Then headed down to great world city planning to catch a movie... After getting the tickets guess wat we ended up walking into mum and babes. Saw a few beautiful cot but no use buying it cos there will not be baby lying in there. Joash how we wish you are still around. We miss u :(
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Mommy miss you Joash
I've been waiting for you for such a long time
You're always on my mind
And I'm laying awake most of the night
Waiting to hold you tight
Now that I do, and look at you
MY heart is breaking, this can't be true
Lost you before I found you
Gone before you came
But I love you just the same
Missed you before I met you
On Earth we never can, but in heaven we'll meet again
Close to my soul, close to my heart
Right from the start
Lost in time, lost in space
Can't wait to see your face
Now that I do, and look at you
MY heart is breaking, this can't be true
Lost you before I found you
Gone before you came
But I love you just the same
Missed you before I met you
On Earth we never can, but in heaven we'll meet again
Sometimes I find myself wondering what to do
With this pain that I'm going through
But I know one day, God will take me away
And I'm coming home to you
And when I do, and look at you
My heart is healing, I know it's true
Lost you before I found you
Gone before you came
But I love you just the same
Missed you before I met you
On Earth we never can, but in heaven we'll meet again
In heaven we'll meet again
Dear Son
The lyrics speaks of what daddy and mommy is feeling. On earth we are not destinated to meet but one day when God bring us home, there we know we will get to see you at the heavenly gates waiting for us and there we will spent eternity together.
Love u son
Dad & Mom
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
The grace of God
It has been 2 yrs since I last updated our blog. Yes, after the proposal, we are pronounced MAN & WIFE on the 10th Aug 2009. Time really pass so quickly ... I am blessed to have a happy marriage life. A very loving and understanding husband, not rich but never hesitate to give me his best. And I love this man very much. I thank God for giving me a good husband.
This marriage and timing I thought was so perfect when I found myself pregnant with Joash in Oct 2009 and his EDD is on 25th July 2010. And we were both so excited about him. We were anticipating and planning for the things we are going to do and discussed what school will he attend... etc ... etc... We decided on the name JOASH because is he is a gift from God or God's given.... Joash Lee such a beautiful name.
A picture of Joash 12weeks old in mommy's tummy
Joash had always been a good boy. From day 1 of pregnancy, I never had morning sickness... the only time I puked was after eating Yam Cake... um guess that's the only thing Joash didn't like. My pregnancy went on very smoothly throughout the weeks and I am surely a happy mommy and yogi a happy daddy. And of cos from the scan we would see that you are a happy baby dancing and sucking your thumb in the ultrasound, and you are never shy of revealing your sex to us...we love u son :)
Then came the fateful day on the 1st of March 2010, during a check-up that found Joash's heartbeat stopped. My world suddenly came tumbling down. I was shut off, I don't know what to do, Yogi looked so lost..... My darling is dead...at that moment all our dreams, visions, goals and things we had planned are gone. He is my first born, and why God had given and now he choose to take away? Questions and reasonings on what causes all this keeps haunting my mind. My poor BB is gone.
Perhaps, he is not destined to be with us on earth. God's way are always higher than ours. But why of all people and of all babies my Joash... 3 weeks has passed and we had never gone through each day without thinking of you and missing you. Joash, daddy and mommy always wanted to hug and cuddle you... I always remember the old children hymms I love to sing to you as I am walking around in the hospital.... Now we are left with nothing, except for a heart that longs for you. We no longer able to look forward for you to call us daddy and mommy. But I am sure, now you are well taken care of and waiting to meet us when time has come.
Joash daddy and mommy wana let you know, you are forever our first born son, no one can ever replace. Though mommy had only had you for that 19weeks, we would like to thank you for bringing so much joy into our lives. Farewell, my son and we will surely meet one day.
Dad and Mom miss you.
The song I always sinf for Joash.
This marriage and timing I thought was so perfect when I found myself pregnant with Joash in Oct 2009 and his EDD is on 25th July 2010. And we were both so excited about him. We were anticipating and planning for the things we are going to do and discussed what school will he attend... etc ... etc... We decided on the name JOASH because is he is a gift from God or God's given.... Joash Lee such a beautiful name.
A picture of Joash 12weeks old in mommy's tummy
Joash had always been a good boy. From day 1 of pregnancy, I never had morning sickness... the only time I puked was after eating Yam Cake... um guess that's the only thing Joash didn't like. My pregnancy went on very smoothly throughout the weeks and I am surely a happy mommy and yogi a happy daddy. And of cos from the scan we would see that you are a happy baby dancing and sucking your thumb in the ultrasound, and you are never shy of revealing your sex to us...we love u son :)
Then came the fateful day on the 1st of March 2010, during a check-up that found Joash's heartbeat stopped. My world suddenly came tumbling down. I was shut off, I don't know what to do, Yogi looked so lost..... My darling is dead...at that moment all our dreams, visions, goals and things we had planned are gone. He is my first born, and why God had given and now he choose to take away? Questions and reasonings on what causes all this keeps haunting my mind. My poor BB is gone.
Perhaps, he is not destined to be with us on earth. God's way are always higher than ours. But why of all people and of all babies my Joash... 3 weeks has passed and we had never gone through each day without thinking of you and missing you. Joash, daddy and mommy always wanted to hug and cuddle you... I always remember the old children hymms I love to sing to you as I am walking around in the hospital.... Now we are left with nothing, except for a heart that longs for you. We no longer able to look forward for you to call us daddy and mommy. But I am sure, now you are well taken care of and waiting to meet us when time has come.
Joash daddy and mommy wana let you know, you are forever our first born son, no one can ever replace. Though mommy had only had you for that 19weeks, we would like to thank you for bringing so much joy into our lives. Farewell, my son and we will surely meet one day.
Dad and Mom miss you.
The song I always sinf for Joash.
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