Still missing

Almost a week (post EDD) had gone by and Joash I miss u very much. I do not have the courage to pack your stuff and if you are still around your dad and I will be so happy. I really thank God for bringing into our lives a new life but both of you are different as an individual and daddy and mommy love you both. I am really praying hard that this will be a successful pregnancy. Joash if mommy had found out earlier that I have a condition of APS, I will be carrying you in my arms. I know you are in good hands now Joash even better then here on earth. We will always miss u and hold u dearly in our hearts.

Missing you always...

One and a half month had passed, not living a day w/o thinking of you. Whenever I hold other ppl's baby, I am thinking how good if this is my son, or either that I am thinking I can't even hold my own child why am I holding others. Joash you will have another 10 more weeks before you are due, but you left us too early. How God I can't keep my mind not thinking of this child you had first sent, my first born son. God if You are willing will You sent me another child that are healthy and born full term. Lord I want a miracle and hoping for a miracle. And I am sure Joash you too will wish to have another siblings to be with here with mummy and daddy right?

Miss u dearly son

Don't let them say, I wasn't born
That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave
I've loved you from the start.

Although my body you can't hold,
It doesn't mean I'm gone.
This world was worthy, not, of me
God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face.
You have my word, I'll fill your arms
Someday we will embrace.

You'll hear that it was "meant to be,
God doesn't make mistakes"
But that won't soften your worst blow..
Or make your heart not ache.

I'm watching over all you do,
another child you'll bear.
Believe me when I say to you,
That I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
And then you'll understand.

Although, I've never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes..
That doesn't mean I never "was"
An Angel Never Dies........
~Unknown

2 months

Tomorrow is 1st May 2010, Joash if you still in mummy's tummy you would be 27 weeks 5 days. I really do miss you so much. Feeling so melancolic as I am sitting at Hongkong cafe. Sitting here see so many parent bringing their babies and pushing prams around and background music playing Chinese song that goes 為什麼要離開我，是不是我做 錯了什麼。。。really sometimes I am still thinking what have I done wrong to deserve such thing. Joash how I wish you are still here and around.

Yah Lan came and took our cgm yesterday... She preached abt the sacrifies of praise in difficult time. I understand and understood totAlly. As my EDD is approaching the more I feel lousy and frustrated because I know there will not be a bb in my arms to hold and cuddle. God teach me to be positive and continue to trust in ur faithfulnnes and love for us. 我要有一個勇敢的心。

It's finally here

Yes it's finally here... AF is here... for the 1st time I am so happy you are here finally!!!
Time for me to plan and try again......

Meet a friend yesterday at iretro, she asked me how's everything and thought that I had already delivered my baby. Yes I had but came out dead. Then I met another friend and she was pregnant with her 2nd child, she's about 5 month plus into her pregnancy... how jealous I am and how much I missed being pregnant.

What Makes a Mother

45 days passed

Today is the 45th day Joash but it seems so long long long . Actual fact is, it's not long at all but mommy has been too eager trying to get pregnant again cause I just want a baby to hold as i miss you too much.

Till now both mommy and daddy still talk about you, think about you. Joash we never stopped missing you...how about you? Do you think of us often too?

Joash if you are still in mommy's tummy you will be 25 weeks and 3 days. How I wish you are still around!